crocs: the anti-fashion

As I await the arrival of all the September magazines, I have to spend my time lamenting the existence of the most horrible invention to hit fashion: crocs. I guess that's what I get for working in a store on Disney property, but it's all I see, all day long. Ok tourists, so I know that these plastic clogs are comfortable and freakishly light. Still, please refrain from wearing them. Especially tie-dyed, bright colored, or the lame ones with the mickey mouse-shaped holes instead of the regular circle holes. They are unbearably ugly.

Ok, I can stand them on little babies (like cute Violet Affleck). But on anyone else? Please find something else. Pretend we live in a world, say, like 2004, when crocs didn't exist (what a glorious, innocent time). Somehow, you still went on vacation and survived. And please please tell me what is the point of wearing crocs WITH socks?!? I can't believe how often I see this. Just take that step and wear a real life shoe if you insist on wearing socks, you freakshows.

Unfortunately, I have happened upon a new level of ugly: Jibbitz. What are jibbitz, you ask? Well, most sane people have probably never heard of them. They happen to be an invention for the croc-wearing demographic. But since I am immersed in this bizarre culture on a daily basis, I am in the know people! These are jibbitz:
AHH MY EYES. And you wouldn't believe how many people take these completely seriously. Grown women are decked out with mickeys, nemo's, jack sparrows, tiggers... I learned what these were when a distressed little roly poly girl ran up to me in the shop and exclaimed "Have you theen my JIBBITHZ??!?!" So I had to help her search for a daisy & ladybug. Croc lovers are taking over.

Exhibit A:

(AN ALL CROCS WEDDING)

OH THE HUMANITY