08 April 2008

a few more swimming don'ts

Along with looking like a bikini-clone, there are a few other styles you'd be wise to avoid when hitting the beach/pool/hot tub/lake this year.

Is there any explanation needed? No? Well please, someone make the droves of proud "G.R.I.T.S." t-shirt wearin' girls who wear this bikini as a symbol of pride understand that it just makes them look ignorant. You can be proud of your heritage, of course. Just do it in a classy way that doesn't have such negative connotations. Also in this category? Camo.

Ahh, the apron tankini. I didn't even know the correct term for this item until I was searching for pictures today. This is possibly the worst attempt at flattering modesty I've ever seen. It doesn't look good on children, it doesn't look good on ladies, hell, it doesn't even look good on Gisele. The top is sloppy, adds to a lumpy look rather than sleek lines, and when wet, hangs forward and exposes that which the wearer was trying to conceal in the first place. Sorry, there just isn't an equivalent to the sloppy maternity babydoll shirt that girls like to wear when bloated- every swimsuit shows all. Also in this category? The monokini (shudder). It is a picture frame for your love handles- enough said.

Finally, do not fall into the trap of "oh, a bikini bottom is just a tiny bit of fabric, the degree of tininess doesn't matter, it's all the same." No, string bikinis do not look good on everyone. Actually, they look good on precious few women; namely, anyone who has thighs. Please don't think that less fabric = more sexy. Please find rump/leg coverage that's best for your body. Low-slung, boyshort, and thick-banded suits work best for athletic thighs like mine and flatter anyone with curves. Some styles, along with strings, that don't work on our womanly curves: overt ruffles, a swim skirt, and the Brazilian. These additions make you look like you're trying to dainty-fy your strong legs. It doesn't work, it just looks out-of-proportion.
Ok, now the fun stuff. To get a truly unique, flattering swimsuit, it doesn't take a huge bank account but it might take some looking. Look at off-the-beaten-path stores, look for details like (subtle) ruffling, buttons, ruching, hardware, and bright colors. Swimwear is one part of your wardrobe in which you don't have to inhibit yourself at all. You can go classy or bright; demure or bombshell. Here are some of my favorites.
Insight Enigma bikini, $74, at Revolve Clothing.

Luna polka-dot suit by Maya, $165, at Couture Candy.

Tuxedo bikini, $39, Victoria's Secret.

Cindy Bandeau by Brette Sandler, $154, at Shopbop.

Plaid ruffle bandeau by Billabong, $84, at Urban Outfitters.

La Malmaison Bikini by Tyler Rose, $162, at Shopbop.

Brazil Halter by Lisa Curran, $155, at Shopbop.

Banana-print, $39, Victoria's Secret.


ambika said...

People actually *wear* Confederate swimsuits? Words fail me...

christine said...

yes! they are quite common here in Florida. All the vacationers from Mississippi/Louisiana/Georgia/South Carolina plus some Florida girls wear the pattern everywhere...and it is plastered on so many cars it's embarrassing.

The Clothes Horse said...

That first one is RIDICULOUS! I like you picks. The banana print is wonderous!

Anonymous said...

I politely disagree with your comment that "less does not equal more". Very few figures are flattered with boy short type bikin bottoms - they generally are only flattering on women who are slim with narrow hips and thighs. Otherwise, they place emphasis on areas that women typically don't like emphasized!

There is a compromise between boy shorts and triangle/string bikini bottoms and this somehwere-in-between is most flattering, as illustrated in the last few pics you've posted.



christine said...

you're right. I actually didn't mean a full-out short-shorts bottom. I guess "boy shorts" are used much more loosely, and in my mind this is what I meant:

Anonymous said...

^^^ Gotcha!



WendyB said...

LOL @ "apron tankini"!!!

Londyn said...

Love your blog! Cute suits for the "my faves" pics. I just got a new sexy one piece from Victoria Secret. I may have to take a pic and put it on my blog!

Working Girl Two said...

those bikins are so cute! i especially love the shopbop one. you just made me want to do some online shopping.

gotta check the bank account first though - hope i have enough!

Sonofconfederate veteran said...

Confederate bikinis are sexy! LOL I don't CARE about those that think otherwise

Kevin said...